20 August 2009

Beware the gaijin traps and Cicadas of Death



Today's video comes to you from a tree outside my apartment. The main character is only one example of the many Cicadas of Death. They used to be innocuous enough, hiding up in the trees, making a consistent buzzing noise that lulled me to sleep every night. Then.... they started to get cheeky.

First, one landed in my hair. I thought it was just a fly by, until I went to fluff my hair.

The next one got fresh and landed on the back of my neck. I was at the beach and, not wanting to brush it accidentally into my shirt, I politely asked Caroline to remove it. She was busy conversing. "Caroline. Caroline! CAROLINE! I am having AN EMERGENCY!" She took one look and began beating me with her cardigan only to scare the bug into her cleavage, a state of affairs that left her none to pleased.

The third was stealthy. I went into the post office to use the ATM. I set down my backpack. The cicada took flight, panicked postal workers descended, and we successfully scared the bug in the appropriate direction, outside. The postal employees and I are now the best of friends, and they often make buzzing and flying motions when I come in.

Perhaps my most terrifying encounter with a cicada was just as I reached my apartment building. I stepped on something that did not feel like ground. It began to make a BONE-CHILLING noise. I started. It flew erratically in my direction. I took off up my apartment stairs in a flat out SPRINT. I slammed the door behind me and proceeded to lock all three locks. I flinch at shadows and small birds now.

For those of you who have yet to urbandictionary the term "gaijin", it basically refers to foreigners in Japan. In the past it was used as a slur of sorts, but now is most commonly used by gaijin themselves. For example, I just got my Gaijin Card today from City Hall, which is actually some complicated Japanese version of Legal Alien Registration Card, but Gaijin Card is perfectly descriptive and just sounds snappier. It also allows for the creation of such delightful terms as "gaijin trap" and "stealth gaijin". The former being mini-canals along the side of most roads that can be anywhere from 1 ft wide by 2 ft deep to several feet wide by fathomless depths of lost gaijin. A couple of years ago, a new JET, just off the plane from Tokyo, accidentally stepped into one. She was never seen again. Well, not for the several weeks that she had to spend at home recovering from her broken ankle anyway.

But gaijin traps and sidewalks that make Warsaw's look smooth aside, I have been successfully biking around Kanazawa for the past two weeks... in skirts no less. Granted, that incident of nearly running over a small child put me on edge, but that was the first day. Since then I have improved immeasurably, to the point that I can now bike in all of my skirted glory (oh the humidity) to the 100-yen shop and then to the grocery store, precariously piling my purchases a good foot higher than my Mary Poppins style front basket ought to allow, before biking picturesquely home along my mini-river.

Good thing no one can hear my internal monologue: "Oh God, just don't fall over.... aaah, slight incline!.... BUMP!.... Look out! Gaijin on a bike!... Oof!"

I had lunch with Fairy Godmother today. Homemade okonomiyaki, a delicious savory pancake thing with pork and cabbage and Fairy Godmother's secret ingredient, "I always tell my children, 'and a little love'." She sent me home with the ingredients so I can make it at home and a bunch of fresh alstroemeria. I just mentioned that I thought it was beautiful, and away she went with the scissors. Everyone ought to have a Murakami-sensei.










#1 - Alstroemeria, it grows everywhere here.
#2 - Little dancers at a harvest festival
#3 - Fabulous example of Japanese fashion in front of Japanese National Party vans.

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